“Hello anxiety, good to have you here” said no one ever.
My mood comes and goes. It’s not really triggered by anything, it’s not seasonal. It just comes. Then goes.
People ask me how I’m doing now. I’m fine, thanks for asking. Well, at least that’s me most of the time. Sometimes though I just get my head down and try to get on with things. Occasionally it’s the best way forward, other times it’s not.
A few days ago was one of ‘those’ days. I could feel the anxiety nudge me for a few days previously but I preserved. Didn’t feel it warranted too much attention so I paid it no heed.
It was a bit more insistent. I could feel it nipping me more and more. I could feel myself start to succumb. I needed to tackle it before it got too much.
I’ve got a good relationship with my boss and the guys I work with which is a huge bonus and takes a lot of pressure off me. I’m open with them to a point that they know and understand what I’m going through. I won’t go into too much detail with them unless they ask but they have a good overview of my situation.
I grabbed my headphones, told them I was heading off for a quick break to get my head together and headed off the floor. With the weather being good I headed outside where it was quiet. There’s a place near to where I work that’s pretty peaceful so that’s where I headed.
I’d brought my headphones as I use a few audio apps on my phone that help me combat my anxiety. I thought I’d try an app called Headspace that Sarah had seen. I thought I’d try it and if it didn’t work I always had one of the others I’d used previously to fall back on.
Headspace works around the premise of guided meditation. A calming voice talks through you the steps and stages on each meditation. There are ten included within the free section, after that there’s a monthly subscription charge. I’ll go into this in a different blog as I’m going to try to review some of the apps I use to help me with my anxiety.
I focused on what the voice playing on the app was telling me to do. Deep breathing exercises, the gentle rhythm of inhaling and exhaling while I focused on awareness of my physical self. It’s something I do sometimes with music, use it as something to focus on whilst I concentrate on my breathing and calming myself (I may even do a future blog on the various peices of music I use for this).
After the ‘session’ finished I took a few minutes to just sit and experience being ‘in the moment’, that feeling of pure calmness and tranquillity. I made some notes on another app to log the event then headed back inside to carry on working feeling like I’d nipped a possibly bigger attack in the bud before it developed into something bigger.
Back indoors, I was a lot calmer than before I went out. A few of the team checked I was okay. One said he’d been worried and had a quick look about to see if I was sitting in any of the usual places I go on a normal break (I’ll just point out that he also suffers with anxiety issues). I even started taking calls again straight away, not really missing a beat.
The point of this blog is to say if you’re feeling something coming on, try and do something about it. I know sometimes it’s easier said than done but it’s much better to try and deal with it early on rather than let it build to the point where everything falls apart around you. There will be times you’re successful and others when you’re not, but it’s better to try and stop if it if you can. Prevention is better than to try and put things back together afterwards. Just try to face it as best you can.
The title of the this installment of my blog comes from the song The Fragile by Nine Inch Nails. You can find a version of it on YouTube at Nine Inch Nails – ‘The Fragile’ (Live).
As usual, if you’d like to chat to me further you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. I’ve created a closed support group on Facebook also called The Order Of The Dog. It’s there for people who struggle with mental health issues as well as people who want to support and get a better understanding. It’s a closed group which means only members get to see and interact with what’s posted there. Finally, please feel free to share this blog with anyone and anywhere you think it might help.
The Order Of The Dog.