Come On Now If We All Pull Together We Can Lift Up The Weight Of The World From Your Shoulders

So, last week was a week off work. I also took the opportunity to have a week off from blog writing properly too. I mean, I made a few notes and things for future pieces of writing, but generally it was just a week of getting back to dealing with normal things that people get up to when they have a week off like decorating and Christmas shopping.
Seeing as though I was spending most of the week around the house I also decided to use the opportunity to start looking at the effectiveness of my meds. 

Currently, I’m on 75mg of Venlafaxine a day which I’ve been taking for almost a year now. I’m due a meds review in January to see how things are going so I thought it was a good time to try reducing the dosage my halving my intake. At the moment it’s two tablets, one in the morning then one in the evening so I dropped my intake to just the one tablet. 

That was fun (not). As the week went on I found myself more irritable, wanting my own company more and generally feeling more and more anxious as the week went on. In other words, just being a complete pain in the arse to be around. I was even annoying myself.  

By Sunday, I didn’t really want to get out of bed. Lying under the duvet was warm and comforting. The thoughts of mixing with people really didn’t inspire any joy in me. Just after eleven though I managed to make a compromise with Sarah: go into Durham, have lunch then a bit of a wander before coming back home. I made it and certainly needed a nap by the time I got home from a mix of the anxiety leaving me drained and the large Sunday lunch which was devoured. 

Today sees me back at work. I know exactly what to expect from it all but that doesn’t stop the anxiety any. Add another restless night into the mix and I’m as jittery as hell heading to work. I’ve got some music on to help down out the white noise that’s building in my brain. After talking to Sarah last night in switching back to my standard dose of meds to help try and keep me on an even keel.

I know they haven’t had time to kick in properly yet but I’m fighting this fucker with every ounce I have. I’m refusing to let myself relapse again to a level I was last year. 

You see, one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to learn was how to deal with myself. Nobody can change what’s wrong with me internally, nobody can fix me no matter how hard they try. There is only one way through this and that’s through myself. If I’m falling I’m going to build my wings on the way down and pull myself up out of the free fall. I’m going to look at this directly in the eye and stare my anxiety down. 

It might be a solo fight but it doesn’t mean that we’re alone in all of this. There’s plenty of people around who’ve got my back and they’ll have yours too. People will have your back no matter what. You’re not dammed as much as you think. Sometimes all you need to do is ask them, not hold them at arms length. If you’re busy doing that then you’re not busy fighting it, you’re just wasting your time and your energy. Together we can be stronger. Actually, forget that. Together we ARE stronger. 

You ready? I am. Just bring it….

The title of the this installment of my blog comes from the song ‘Glorious You’ by Frank Turner. You can find an acoustic video for it on YouTube at Frank Turner – “Glorious You (Acoustic)”. I’ve also now created a playlist on Spotify featuring the songs I include in my blog. You can find it over at The Order Of The Dog Spotify Playlist. I’ll update it every time a new blog is published.

As usual, if you’d like to chat to me further you can email me at theorderofthedog@gmail.com and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. I’ve created a closed support group on Facebook also called The Order Of The Dog. It’s there for people who struggle with mental health issues as well as people who want to support and get a better understanding. It’s a closed group which means only members get to see and interact with what’s posted there. Finally, please feel free to share this blog with anyone and anywhere you think it might help.

Cheers,
Scott
The Order Of The Dog.

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2 thoughts on “Come On Now If We All Pull Together We Can Lift Up The Weight Of The World From Your Shoulders

  1. I know everyone is different and responds differently to meds but my doctor refuses to put me on V. He would rather have me on two anti depressants than risk the side effects of V.

    It is a popular AP to give to people in the U.S.A. – I’ve heard it’s not so popular in the U.K.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve found it works well for me at the moment. Before that I was on citalopram which used to work perfectly for me but didn’t touch my symptoms last year when we tried it, even changing the dose couldn’t balance me. I think with venlafaxine people are wary of using it due to it being relatively new.

      Like

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