My body feels tired and worn down, and my frame of mind isn’t too far behind it either.
At the minute I feel like I’m pushing myself, possibly a little too hard. I wake up in the morning just as tired as I went to bed. My body feels like it’s continously aching and I’m feeling much older than what I am. My back feels better than it did the other week but I’m still wary of it. My knees ache like an old man’s might.
My brain is on its own rollercoaster journey, constantly stuck in an ‘on’ position. Everything feels raw like an open wound, everything stings. I feel like I’m about snap or sob with people. I’m struggling to focus on things around me. Downtime seems like it’s snatched here, there and everywhere, and not fully enjoyed as I know it’s fleeing and won’t last.
Is my body reflecting my mind or is my mind a reflection of my body? Hell, they might not even be connected at this stage but it feels like it.
Weary. That’s possibly the best way to describe it. My to do list feels like it isn’t getting done, it just keeps on getting longer. I wish I could just crumple the list up and just throw it away but I know that’s not a luxury I have, none of us do.
I can feel the Dog flexing it’s jaws and I know that I’m it’s target. Once it clamps itself on to me again I know it’s going to be a fight to beat it. I’m trying to not even give it the opportunity but I’m not sure how much longer I can keep dodging it’s advances.
As kids we weren’t warned that this is what life was really about. School never gave us any warning. I’d like a another go please?
I would like to push the reset button and kind of start again. Hindsight gives anyone a kind of superiority over the past. There’s always talk of never repeating the same mistakes. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s made you who you are. I’d just like to approach my reset with knowledge to toughen myself. I’d make the same choices and decisions, I would just hope that with that extra bit of knowledge to hand they’d be a bit easier to deal with a second time round.
I’m just venting. I need to let this out. I need to let go of the little things my body and my brain is holding on to. Perhaps I would be a better person if I could let it all go, but then again I might not. I just try to maintain this facade of being okay, keep fighting the pressure that’s building up these cracks.