Trying Is The Point Of Life So Don’t Stop Trying, Promise Me

How down so you have to be for you to realise that you're down? Can you have an awareness of your own situation enough that you are aware of every moment of decline? At what point do you realise that you're able to go "hey, I'm not in a good place at all"? Last weekend's, …

These Feelings Never Help Me, I Want An Easy Mind

Friday's blog allowed me to dump a lot of negativity from my head. All that crap that had been building up in layers. I'd been trying to chip away at it but it felt like a thankless task. Everything built up, more and more. It was starting to feel overwhelming. My brain was starting to …

You Can Come To Terms And Realise You’re The Only One Who Cannot Forgive Yourself (The Anxiety Diaries Part 5)

Acceptance.  It's just one word but it's one word that could just be the key to my condition.  Today was my fifth over the phone counseling session, which looks as though we'll be extending up to nine in total. Today we looked back over the Christmas and New Year period, nearly two weeks since my …

There Was This One Time Where Everything Was Okay (The Anxiety Diaries Part 1)

I’ve decided to name this stretch of my blog “The Anxiety Diaries” so I can keep track of what I’ve been like during this period. Also, I’m hoping it will allow people to see what it’s like and what goes through my head during my prolonged spells of anxiety.  The grey and damp Tuesday morning …

Black Hole Sun Won’t You Come And Wash Away The Rain

The past few weeks has seen my anxiety slowly get the better of me.  Time and time again I've felt it rise and fall, sometimes completely taking me over.  I've let things slip. A few months ago I was exercising regularly and running guided meditation exercises pretty much every day. Pains in my back and …

Carrion Blue We’re So F**ked Up, We Don’t Even Know How Far Down We Are

Caution: May Contain Triggers For Certain People.  "Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see …

One Hundred

This is my one hundredth blog.  It might not mean much to you but it really does to me.  When I first started writing this it was a way for me to share what I'd gone through. It was helpful, it allowed me to make  thoughts that were in my head, heart  and soul that …

If I Speak At One Constant Volume At One Constant Pitch At One Constant Rhythm Right Into Your Ear You Still Won’t Hear

I'm sat in the small bedroom at mine right now. I'm tired and feel worn down, drained of everything. I'm trying to relax but my brain doesn't feel like it belongs in my head. I've got a small light on whilst Paul Miro's 'Based On A True Album' plays quietly. I'm trying to focus on …

We’re As Good As Each Other…And We’ll Talk Of Tomorrow When There’ll Be No More Sorrow

A friend of mine posted a well written blog yesterday regarding the stigma around being open about mental health issues (you can read that here and I urge you to do so). It made me think about how some people frown upon people who talk about it openly in public forums.  When we're brought into this world …

The Future Teaches You To Be Alone, The Present To Be Afraid And Cold

Why do I conqtinue to write? Why do I feel the need to keep doing this? There's only one real reason for it..... Stories.  Stories are important, stories are how we learn, stories form the ties that bind us all together through shared experience.  Originally this blog was supposed to be a way to vent …